An Epic Battle
by Addicted Raider
Summary: Lara and Winston are at each other's throats. How long will they keep it up?


An Epic Battle

**Battle Phase 1:**

"Oh, Winston. Can you get me a cup of tea?" Lara asked Winston, picking up her 'Daily Timing' Newspaper.

"Yeah, bro. I'll get you a cuppa. 'Choo gonna pay me for it?" Winston had sunglasses on, and moving his hip around, trying to look 'hip' (No pun intended).

Lara dropped her newspaper abruptly. "Winston, why are you talking like that?"

"Like this? 'Choo gotta prob wit it?"

"Yes, I have Winston. Now stop it." Lara closed her eyes for a few seconds, then opened them. She was tired, but ready to do what she had to do.

"'Choo gonna do 'bout it?"

"I will shoot you." Lara replied smugly, bringing her hands toward her gun holsters. Winston had already made the tea, and picked up the mug. He threw it, and Lara pulled the trigger on her pistol. The mug and the bullet collided, sending tea and china flying everywhere.

"Oh, it's on!" Lara yelled, and she cartwheeled out of the window. She disappeared to grab her motorbike, while Winston stumbled 'hipply' towards the cutlery drawer.

**Battle Phase 2:**

Lara returned.

Winston returned.

They fell over.

They got up.

They fell into the water because of how overbalanced they were.

They were wet…but ready to fight.

Lara got her motorbike.

Winston had his…'weapon'.

"Charrrrrrrrrge!" Lara bellowed, and they began. Lara got the oil out of her motorbike and put it in a jug, and Winston had his spoon ready. They ran, jumped, and Winston tried to stab his spoon into Lara.

"Wait! Pause, bro," They froze in mid-air.

"Geez, my eyes, bro. Needa get sum'em else."

Nek Minnit…

Winston came back and froze in mid-air again.

"'Kay. Start 'gen."

"Finally! I was waiting here for like, 7 hours!"

"Ya mean 7 minits?!"

"Winston, you know I can't tell time. My mother had disabilities remember?"

"Sto' callin' me Winston! Call me 'Da 'W' Man'!"

Lara rolled her eyes. "Annywayy! Continue!"

They continued with their jump. Lara thrust the oil into Winston's face, while Winston hit Lara's head with the butt of his butter knife.

"Ow! That actually hurt!" Lara moaned tearfully.

"Ya sayin' dat hurt!? Ya got motor oil in da eyes!"

**Phase 3:**

By now, it was night-time, but Winston and Lara were nowhere near finished. They now had battle stations, and their own makeshift armies. Lara was in the attic, while Winston was in the basement.

"Okay, girls. To your positions!" Lara whispered to her One Direction cardboard cut-outs. She had to move them by herself to make it look realistic.

"Yo, bros! Ya betta kick dat girls butt, or ya dead! Ya hear me! D-E-D, dead!" Winston scowled at his My Little Ponies. He'd gotten his Barbie & Ken clothes and squeezed on their camouflage costumes.

Lara got out her UPhone and downloaded a weapon sounds app, and attached it to an amplifier, whereas Winston just got his pink Powerpuff Girls cassette box, and put in

'Britney Spears' 'Hit Me Baby One More Time''

and played it until Lara was on the ground choking with a newly discovered disease called 'Badsongitis' which is an infection of the ears after listening to a bad song for too long.

Winston played it about 57 times, and Lara started choking and vomiting.

"*Cough!* Women, go and do your job! *Cough, Hack!*" Lara whispered hoarsely. Somehow, as if they heard Lara, the One Direction girls appeared in the basement. They started singing

'You don't know you're beautiful'

To make Winston's heart all a-flutter with joy. Then Lara jumped out and fired her weapon sounds just outside the basement door, so Winston thought they were being ambushed.

"Da ponies! FIRE!"

The My Little Ponies said:

"It's tiiiime for some magic!" and their little wands started to make little fairy noises.

"Dat's right ponies! Dat's why ya neva mess wit Da W Man!" Suddenly, the ponies exploded, and Winston realized that Lara was pointing her UPhone towards them, with a tear in her eye.

"What…did y'all do? WHAT DID Y'ALL DO! Ya'll pay for what y'all did. Did ya hear me! Ya'll PAY!"

**Phase 4: Final Phase**

It was _really _late at night by now. But that didn't stop them. That just meant it was time for a darker phase of battle. Now that Lara had destroyed Winston's My Little Ponies and their collector's edition Barbie clothes, Winston was really mad, and prone to killing everything.

"Coast is clear," Lara whispered through her walkie talkie. They had restationed their battle bases to outside, because there was a lot more room. "Crrsh! Whatever happens, stay in the courtyard. It's safest here. Crrsh!" Suddenly, a small explosion hit the fountain, sending a few drops of water towards Lara.

"Ew! Gross! Water! Get it off, Get it off!" While Lara was prancing around trying to get the water off, Winston and his new army of toasters hopped away towards the hedge maze.

"I'll get you for this, Winston!" Lara yelled.

Meanwhile, Winston used the real-life corner bug to get on top of the hedge maze. Lara chased him through the maze, trying to find him.

Lara made it to the end of the maze, but had not seen Winston at all. Lara stepped up towards the button to open the secret entrance to the basement. She was about to press it, when;

Winston jumped down onto the trapdoor, with his toasters all set and ready to send toast flying at Lara. "Ooh…da girl is trapped! T to the R to the A to the P to the-"

"No, I'm not." Lara said smugly, and she pressed the button to open the secret entrance. Winston fell down it, and Lara shot the button, so, not only would it close, the button wouldn't work anymore, so:

"Now who's trapped? T to the R to the A to the P to the-" Lara stuck her tongue out at him.

"Okay! I get it! You win! I'll stop talking gangsta style. Now, would you like a _proper _cup of tea now milady? If you do, let me out and I'll make one for you." Winston tried, trying to sound scared to make Lara think otherwise.

"Hm… Winston, or no Winston…?"

"Yes, imagine your life without me! A horrible, dull world with no cleanliness, different smells…or even…yes, I'll mention it…NO TEA!" Winston's reasoning was getting to Lara.

"Winston or no Winston… I choose…"

Winston made a dramatic sad face through the trapdoor entrance.

"I choose…!

I choose…!

I choose…

No Winston." Lara walked away, holding her hands behind her back.

"Wait…Lara, no! Don't leave me here! There's spiders!" But Lara didn't listen to him. She just kept on walking to the kitchen to get herself a midnight snack.

Winston made angry blurting sounds, while trying to grab the button and press it. He put his toasters on top of each other, he tried everything. But nothing would work.

"Well men, I guess we're stuck here."

The End…

Or is it?

Winston had gotten out. After all these days trapped in the secret entrance to the basement, he was finally out.

"Now, to get my revenge…"


End file.
